"Would you like some tea? I feel like having tea," Holiday said getting up from her chair. Moving towards the kitchenette area she rinsed out the electric kettle before filling it and plugging it in. Leaning against the counter as waited for the water to boil she studied Rex. "While we wait for tea we can discuss your options."
"Options?" As far as Rex saw it he didn't have any.
"Yes. What are your options?"
"Um, let's see. I don't say anything and I'm safe, but miserable. I say something and he is so repulsed by me that he never wants to see me again."
"Or things work out for you," Holiday supplied.
Rex sniffed. "Even if by some miracle he felt the same way, it's not as if we could do anything about it. You said so yourself. White wouldn't approve. And yes, we could try to keep things on the down low, but he will find out somehow, and my restricted time with Noah will become nonexistent."
"So, you're going to give up before you even start?" The clever doctor asked pulling down two coffee mugs. "That doesn't sound like you."
"Yeah well, maybe it's the new me." Rex grumbled.
"Uh-huh," Holiday hummed not buying it. The electric kettle went off and Holiday deftly prepared their drinks.
Though he hadn't said he wanted any tea she handed him a cup anyway. He was grateful for it. It smelled nice, and it was good to have something to do, other than test the validity of the chair legs as he bemoaned his future.
"Which do you think is the most likely outcome? And don't go negative right away, unless you absolutely think that is how Noah would react," she hastily added when Rex opened his mouth to reply.
Rex lifted the mug to his lips and took a drink, enjoying the sweet robust flavors of the tea as he mulled over the question. How was Noah most likely to act when Rex told him about his feelings? Of all the questions Holiday had posed this was the most difficult one for him to answer. "Truth is I can see him both accepting and rejecting me."
"Go on," Holiday prodded.
Rex squirmed in his chair and tightened his hold on the mug, staring into it at the tiny leaves that had escaped the bag. "Like he'll be so sweet about it, you know? Say that he understands, but then he'll say 'sorry buddy, I just don't swing that way.' And he'll act like it doesn't bother him, and maybe it won't. But he won't ever be able to look at me the same way again. He'll start doubting me. Wondering every time we hang out if I'm having gay thoughts about him. Or that I'll be so overcome with lust that I will jump him in his sleep. And I just couldn't stand that. Just because I like him doesn't mean I'm so social deviant or something. I mean, I am, but that's not why." Rex clarified, suddenly feeling drained and hopeless.
Rex jumped at Rebecca's gentle touch as she placed her hand on his knee. "Rex-"
"I really care about him, Hols. Enough to never tell him the truth."
Holiday retracted her hand, making Rex follow the movement of her hand until he was looking into her eyes again.
"Is that really what you think he'd want? After everything that's happened between you boys, you really think lying to him is the best option?"
Rex shrugged. "It's my only option. Who knows maybe I'll get over him. In time."
"In the meantime you're willing to taint your time together by denying a part of yourself."
Rex tried to grin, but failed. "I'm a secret agent. It comes with the job."